Where it all began...on the Internet

Dating as a fat woman was incredibly hard. Now throw in the fact that I'm 6'0" and you can see my dilemma was only compounded. There are only a certain percentage of the population of men that like some fat on a woman. Of these, there was only a miniscule number who met my standards. It's not like I had incredibly high standards either. The following is the actual list of standards that I wrote down in my prayer journal.

1. Christian.


2. Steady income.


3. Good dental hygiene.


4. Ok with my child but didn't want to have any children. Could also have children of his own.


5. As tall or taller than myself.


6. Intelligent.


7. Funny.

I was even willing to fudge a bit on #5. My first husband was only 5'8" so it wasn't a deal breaker but all the others had to be there.

I started looking for a man on the internet way back in 1994. Well, to be technical I started looking on what were called BBSs. Before the internet became popular outside geekdom, there were computer bulletin boards that you had to dial into. Sort of like the dial up ISPs of today. I eventually graduated to the internet and soon had my profile up on every BBW personals website there ever was on the internet. After I became a Christian in 1997, I even put it up on some Christian personals sites. I found out Christian men can be very judgemental.

Finally, after 10 years of sifting through dirt bag after dirt bag, Walter sent me an email. That was in June 2004. We met for the first time on August 8, 2004. He was still married but he said he was separated. I had been through the whole lying-married-guy-said-he-was-separated fiasco before so I wasn't taking any chances with this one - if you're reading this Tom, I hope your wife is STILL making you pay - so I decided to do a background check. My previous internet dating experiences indicated that if men lied about their marital status, it was a good probability they had lied about other things. For instance, if they said they owned their home but there was no record of this, then chances were good, he had lied about his name or where he was located. The number one reason most men lie is because they're married. Nothing makes me more angry than to find out a man who is professing his erstwhile devotion to me is married.

So I did two background checks on Walter before I agreed to meet him. The preliminary check consisted of what I could find out about him on the internet. Let me just say, "I LOVE public records!" You would be absolutely amazed at what is out there on the internet...property records, tickets, military discharge records, marriage licenses, divorces...I could go on but I think you get the picture. I could usually eliminate 99% of men with this check before I went on to the criminal background check that I had to pay for. Walter passed the preliminary check and then he passed the secondary check. My love life was looking up at this point!

After we dated for two years, I helped Walter file for his divorce. Betty and Walter had been separated for a little over two years so there really wasn't that much for them to decide on except the house and the children. Betty couldn't afford the mortgage so that pretty much took care of that. The oldest child wanted to live with her and the youngest wanted to live with Walter so custody wasn't an issue either. The divorce became final in December 2006. All in all, it was a pretty easy divorce. I say that tongue-in-cheek because there is no such thing as an easy divorce. Divorce hurts. Period.

It took almost another two years before Walter was ready to get married again. In May 2008, he got down on his knees in front of me and proposed. Of course, he had a caveat to the proposal. He said he knew he wanted to marry me but he didn't know when he would be ready to get married again. In other words, I needed to be prepared for a long engagement! I figured I had waited for him for as long as I had so what was a bit more time? The next day when I came to work and showed a co-worker my engagement ring and told her what Walter had said about a long engagement. I made a comment to her that I would probably be married by the end of June or July at the latest and we both laughed.

In early June, he asked me what the requirements were for a marriage license in Florida. I told him there was a 3-day waiting period between when the marriage license was issued until we could get married unless we attended premarital counseling. Out of curiosity, I checked what the requirements were for Georgia and Alabama since we are close to the border with either state. When I told him there were no waiting periods for either state and that the marriage license was actually cheapest in Alabama, I think that clinched it for him. Walter is nothing else if not a penny pincher. He'll drive five miles further down the road if the gas is a penny cheaper. One of his favorite sayings is, "If you had a $1,000,000 and took away one penny, you wouldn't be a millionaire anymore." Everytime he says that, I always think to myself, "Only if you keep your $1,000,000 stuffed in the mattress. It would earn interest if you put it in the bank."

So we eloped...sort of. I had to go to Alabama for two-week training class for my job. While I was there, I happened to mention to Walter on Tuesday that I got out of class at 12:00 pm on Friday. He asked me if I would like to get married and I said, "Of course!" He drove up on Thursday and after I got out of class on Friday, we drove to the courthouse, parked in 30-minute parking, got married and then went back to the hotel. He was so nervous and stressed out about being married again that he had to lay down and take a nap! All I wanted to do was...well, you KNOW what I wanted to do...and the man I wanted to do it with was laying on the bed snoring!

So while my new husband snored, I sent text messages to everybody in my phone. My best friend, Lynn - not her real name - was horribly upset with me. When I told Walter about how upset she was when he got up from his nap, he suggested we drive to her house in Mississippi to see her and make it up to her...on our honeymoon weekend. I knew she would get over it and all I wanted to do was stay in the hotel for the weekend with the exception of short foraging trips in between love making sessions but Walter was insistent. So I spent my honeymoon weekend driving from Huntsville, Alabama to Jackson, Mississippi and vice versa. I enjoyed spending time with Lynn but I would have much rather spent the time with my new husband - ALONE.

Why is it that a man spends every waking moment divising schemes to get into your pants but when you're willing to let him have as much as he wants, he doesn't want it anymore?!?!?! Men...I will NEVER understand them!