The Five Finger Discount

I'm going to have to stray a bit from the storyline that I started back in December 2008. There have been several events that I need to bring to your attention and I'll start with this next one.

Having spent his bi-weekly allowance on cigarettes, Walter, Jr. didn't have the necessary funds to purchase a set of headphones from the local Kmart. For Walter, Jr. this lack of funds wasn't a problem because he knew that with his five finger discount a new set of headphones would be super cheap...free even. So Walter, Jr. selects the pair of headphones he wants, stuffs them down his pants and proceeds to the bathroom because every good five finger discount requires a trip to the bathroom - the discount is notorious for it's laxative effect. As he is standing in the stall marveling over the attributes of his recent acquisition, he hears somebody else come into the bathroom. He realizes that he doesn't have his Five Finger Discount Card with him and, therefore, what he has done is actually wrong. Before he can zip his pants, however, it is too late and Walter, Jr. has been caught by store security and the police are on their way.

This having occurred on a Friday night and the fact that I don't really have a social life, I was over at a friend's house helping her help her daughter with a school project when the call from the police came. I just sighed after getting off the phone because I knew a call like this had been a forgone conclusion from the moment Wayne, Jr. came to live with us. I was actually disappointed that it wasn't something more serious. I mean...who wants to be known for lifting a set of headphones from Kmart?! How badass is that? On a gangstawannabe scale of 1 to 10, this had to rate somewhere in the negative category.